Oh no...not again

I thought I was over this...apparently am not. It's like having everything you want in front of you, but you can't grab it. I don't know if this is masochism or selfishness. Probably both of them. Whatever it is it's useless, and painful, but I can't stay away or I feel worse. The only way would be to accept the fact that this is not possible. Forget it Marty, not going to happen! You're so right, little man in the corner of my head. But i can't, can't do this to her (nor to me), not now, not ever.
I hope some distance will make it better. I hope some distance will make ME better. I really wish it was so, but don't know yet. I'm just going to discover though, genuary is closer than it feels.

listening to...Death Cab for Cutie "The photo album"